I am writing this post at David's suggestion, so that I can read it in 2 or 3 years when the Haircut Tempter comes around again. (Please do not feel obligated--though you are welcome--to comment on my ridiculousness.) And yes, I know I have addressed this letter to myself and that that's weird. No, I am not suffering from dissociative identity disorder. It was just easier to write that way.
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Dear Impulsive, Leap-Before-You-Look Self,
Once again, your hair is in grow-out stage. You do realize that you live the vast majority of your life in grow-out stage, right? So here's how you're going to avoid living out the rest of your life in that stage: stop cutting your hair super short every time it grows enough to barely fit into a ponytail. Yes, I know it always seems like it's going to be crazy fun and spunky and that you think you will look just like Halle Berry or Meg Ryan in "City of Angels." The thing is that you have a different face and different hair than either of them, so...it's actually not very realistic to expect that outcome. And though it definitely is spunky to cut off all your hair, there are other ways to express that side of you that don't drive you crazy. (Like painting your toenails bright blue or using a very loud purse.) So the next time you feel tempted to hack all your hair off right now, please at least pause long enough to read the following list of things you super don't like about having short hair...
1. You hate having hair brush up against your forehead. It is hot and itchy and you swear you can feel the mousse rubbing off all over your skin. Meaning that every time you have short hair, you spend every day pushing it out of your face in annoyance or hiding the cut by pinning the bangs part back.
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2. The section of hair that is right behind your ears always fluffs out and looks crazy. There are two solutions to this: cut it super short (which makes the hair poke the back of your ears all day) or bobby-pin it down (which makes the bobby pins poke the back of your ears all day). So fun.
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3. You always think it's going to be easier if it's shorter, but the truth is, for you, there is no lower-maintenance hair than hair that you can sweep back into a low bun. Short hair looks crazy after your sleep on it, so you have to DO your hair every single day. Over time, you really lose your patience with not being able to just wash-and-wear your hair. Until you start wearing makeup every day, you are not a good match for a cut that requires putting time into it every day either.
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4. When you run, the hair on the back of your next bothers you. You are always missing your ponytail deeply, every footstep of every mile of every run.
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5. It takes forever to grow it back out to ponytail length. Months and months and months. You know that feeling you get when you have a bug bite that is super itchy, and you just have to walk around gritting your teeth and feeling annoyed b/c you can't itch it and you just want it to be gone? You feel that about not being able to put your hair in a ponytail.
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6. It's annoying to lay down on at night. It doesn't cover your ears, which frustrates you, and if you lay the wrong way, the hair feels pokey and itchy all squished up against the pillow.
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7. In your most sleep-deprived, cranky moments, you feel almost claustrophobic about all that hair swishing on your forehead, brushing up against your ears, rubbing the back of your neck....argh!! It's everywhere! Get it off me!!! So then you choose to wear one of Haven's large all-the-way-around-your-head elastic headbands, which makes your hair poof all out the back of it, and is overall super-attractive. Lucky Dave. And then the headband always ends up giving you a headache, which makes you more cranky. Again, Lucky Dave.
And all this could be avoided by just having the foresight to know that although the cut looks cute on you, you do not like what it means for you. At all. So when you are done with the current grow-out stage and your hair is back into Ponytail Bliss, and someday you feel suddenly that the whole world will stop if you don't cut your hair this second... Oh, let's be honest. You're not going to take the time to read this in that moment of urgency. Let's just pray that you happen to talk with David on the phone before you take the scissors to your hair.
Much love,
Lindsey
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7 comments:
I don't know if it will help you in the future, but it sure remind me that I don't want to give into that urge to chop off my hair. Thanks!
Ahaha! This was me last year. The best thing I ever did was let my hair grow out through the winter when it was cold because then it didn't bother me so much. I kept telling myself, "Just make it to summer when your hair will be long enough to put in a clip." I made it, and I'm still going strong. YOU. CAN. DO. IT.
Great timing on this...I'm at a frustrating stage with mine as well. Thanks for the letter!
That was a fantastic read. You are brilliant. It's funny I read this now because I was thinking about cutting my hair even shorter soon, thinking it would be lower maintenance. I think you just talked me out of it. I am wearing my hair in a bun as I'm writing this.
Thank you.
Love it! You make me laugh!
I have been growing my hair out for 2 years!!! And i have been tempted to cut it off many times. This time in the grow out stage I committed to actually getting my hair trimmed and shaped throughout the process ( usually I just let it grow and don't touch it) and that has made a ton of difference in keeping me motivated to grow it out. Good Luck!
Linds, come on, your 4th baby and you haven't learned. I thought every woman was supposed to hear that you NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR OFF WHEN PREGNANT! With that said... YOU ALWAYS LOOK CUTE WITH SHORT HAIR.
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