20 years

(Can you believe I'm blogging again? Me neither. I make no promises about the future, but today, this is happening, people, because I have something to say.) 

Our engagement photo, ages 21 and 23.

Yesterday was the last day of May. This may marked 20 years of friendship with David. 20 YEARS. He's been in my life so much longer than he ever wasn't. Twenty years ago this May he plopped down next to me on the bleachers at the last track meet of the year and introduced himself. I was a freshman in high school, he was a sophomore. I was putting on my spikes to run my last race. I didn't know much about who he was--I knew his name, and that he was my good friend Kevin's older brother. I had said hello to him several times during the track season. But that was about it. But there he was beside me on the bleachers, and we had this conversation:

David: "Hi, I'm David."

Me (smiling): "Yeah. I know who you are."

David: "I've smoked pot."

Me (both amused and also unsure why he was sharing this information): "Ok."

David (struggling a bit): "I just...I know who you are. I know you're Austin's sister and that you're a good kid. If we're going to be friends, I just want you to know that."

Me (surprised at his declaration that we are apparently going to be friends, and still amused): "Well, ok then. It's nice to meet you, Dave."

And that was that. The summer passed and we didn't ever have a reason to see each other. Fall came, and we had chemistry class together. Our teacher used the Popsicle Sticks of Fate (I kid you not...chemistry, popsicle sticks of fate...obvi we were destined to be together at that moment) to choose lab partners. Our names were chosen. We did our lab together, then he came over that night so we could write the report together. Three hours later, we were inseparable.

I have never experienced a friendship as instinctual as mine with David. It felt like breathing. We just settled in to each other and never looked back. Two years later, we started dating. Five years after that, we got married. And here we are now, thirteen years into this marriage.

If you would have told me that day at the track meet when I was 14 that David and I would have four children together, that we would share a life together, it would have blown my mind. Neither of us was what the other had envisioned for ourselves. And yet, here we are.

Our road has been plenty rocky. We have had times where we were just...hurting. To feel lonely in a marriage is a terrible thing. But we have had some spectacularly beautiful, soul-filling times too. I suspect that's just...marriage. But maybe not. Maybe others have had a smooth journey. I'm not sure it really matters. We are all "made" along the way, in one way or another.

Regardless, here's what I have to say today:

I'm so proud of our marriage. We have something breathtaking, and we have worked so hard for what we have. We've been to counseling (twice). We've had to learn how to fight, to validate, to forgive, to live and let live. We have come such a long way! We have come through four babies, tear-inducing grad school poverty and the slow climb out of it, a near divorce, separate-but-simultaneous deep faith transitions, five cross-country moves (nine moves in total), his doctoral degree, my (in progress) master's degree, and owning a cat that was pretty much the feline version of Satan. (I'm not even kidding. She was...I have no words.) 

But, oh, how we have come through it! Kinder, gentler, wiser, closer, more respectful, more understanding, better. Enough time has passed that I can finally see how the process--the journey--has been valuable. The outcome is sweet, but the journey, with all its ups and downs, has never been more precious to me. David and I know all the worst parts of each other (some of which are oh-so real), and along with that has come the freedom and privilege of enjoying the very best parts of each other as well (those are oh-so real, too...I have never laughed more with anyone in all my life than I have with him). Our marriage is the greatest accomplishment of our lives so far. I'm so glad I married him, and I'm so grateful we haven't given up on each other. He's the best friend I've ever had. 

* I write this with awareness that everyone's marital/relationship journey isn't in a good place right now. To my friends and sisters who are hurting in their relationships right now--I love you. 

Two years after he first introduced himself. This is the end of track season my junior year, his senior.
We were 16 and 18 years old.

Prom his senior year. Ages 16 and 18.

My high school graduation party. David had just completed his first year
at the University of San Diego. Ages 17 and 19.

Hiking Zion's National Park. We had been married 10 months. Ages 22 and 24.

Our first anniversary, at the Grand Canyon. I was pregnant with Elijah.  

At his graduation for his PhD. Ages 29 and 31. 

Just a couple months ago. Ages 34 and 36.