Intelligent Conversations with Dane

Dane is three. He is our third three-year old so far. Living with a three year old is awesome. It is constant entertainment and hilariousness. And Dane seems to be a particularly entertaining three year old. I've recently thrown in the towel on ever having a coherent conversation with him. I think I might pick that up again for another try next year. But for now, I'm just going to shoot for keeping him alive and mostly happyish. We start coherent conversations. There are times when I think we're really communicating and I get excited. And then he'll sum the whole thing up with a conclusion that has absolutely nothing to do with what we were just talking about. Other times, the conversation sort of makes logical sense on the surface, but he's missing the entire deeper point.

For example, today I was sitting in the garage. He and I were coloring with sidewalk chalk together when he suddenly stood up, looked around, and ran into the front yard just out of sight. I waited curiously. A few moments later, he came waddling back in with his underwear twisted and his shorts around his ankles. We then had the following conversation:

Me: "Dane, did you just pee outside??"
Dane: "Yeah. I did. I peed on the grass."
Me: "Ok. Hey, next time, let's just go potty in the house, ok?"
Dane: "But I like peein' on the grass."
Me: "Yeah, but if you pee in the front yard, all the neighbors can see you. So just go in the potty next time, ok?"
Dane:  (after a meditative pause) "Can I pee in the garage?"
Me: "No. Pee in the potty."
Dane: "But if I pee in the garage, no one can see me."
Me: "You're right--no one would see you--but if you pee in the garage, then there's pee all over the garage. And that's not cool. You don't have to problem-solve this one, Buddy, 'cuz I already solved it for you. Just pee in the potty."
Dane: (long pause) "But I could pee on the spider webs right there."
Me: "No, you can't go on the spiderwebs. That's still in the garage. We just go potty ON the potty."
Dane: "No, not in the garage! Just on the spiderwebs in the garage."
Me: "No, dude. You cannot pee anywhere in the garage. JUST in the potty."
Dane: "But I wike peein' outside."
Me: (finally realizing that this was going nowhere, so changing the subject) "Dane, you can't pee in the yard or garage, ok? Hey, show me how you can ride your bike."
Dane: "Yeah! My bike!! I can ride it in the street!!"
Me: "No, you can't ride it in the street. That's not safe. You know what? Let's go inside and read a book."

Seriously? Or then there's this gem from last week:

Dane: "Mom, I can't find my hummer car."
Me: "Ok, well, I don't know where it is either. We'll just have to keep our eyes open for it."
Dane: (very, very long pause, then straining) "Why do I have to keep my eyes open?!?"
Me: (laughing) "No, you don't have to keep your eyes open. That just means that we'll look for it throughout the day."
Dane: "We have to throw up the day?"
Me: "No, throughout the day."
Dane: "Throw up the day?"
Me: "No. Nevermind. I'll look for your hummer today, ok?"
Dane: "Oh, sanks (thanks), Mom. Yer the best mom EVER."

Or this one:

Dane: (pointing indiscriminately)  "Mom, what is that?"
Me: (pointing to something around where he was pointing) "This?"
Dane: "No, that."
Me: "This?"
Dane: "No, THAT."
Me: "This??"
Dane: "No, THAT."
Me: "Dane, I don't know what you're talking about."
Dane: "Oh, I'm just bein' silly, Mom!! I'm jus' crazy!! I don't know what I'm talkin' about neither!!"

And this one:

David: "Dane, I love you. You're a good boy."
Dane: "Dad, are you bigger than a crayon?"

There are a million other examples. This is what I am doing all day long. I laugh, I call David and tell him stuff Dane has said, I beat my head against the wall, then I laugh some more. Living with a three year old is living in Crazyland. Happy, funny, shake-my-head-speechless Crazyland. They say if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And I most definitely cannot beat this one. So...I'm going all-in. If you need me, I'll be in Crazyland. Visitors are always welcome.