A small helping of wisdom

I am blessed to have a number of very wise people in my life. They say super wisey things to me when I am in crisis. Those super wisey things calm me down and make me a happy, peaceful person again. I really like these people and the things they tell me. I want to be like them when I grow up.

The problem (well, one of the problems) is that sometimes I have trouble remembering the things they've told me, in the moment that I need them. So, I'm making a list of some of them, to me, from me, so I can refer to it in my next moment of crisis. (Which list-making is, in and of itself, a little wisey of me, don't you think?? Maybe the smarty-pants people in my life are starting to rub off on me. One can only hope.) 

So here is my best effort at listing other peoples' wisdom...

1. In homemaking and mothering, what matters most is that your home is happy. If you have to let everything else go to get this one thing right, you will have traded well.

2. Kids can't hurry. They try, but...they fail. (I usually like to move at Cheetah Speed, in accomplishing household things and running errands. Let's get it done. I wait for no man. But doing things with little kids has turned my cheetah into one who one only has three legs, one of which is broken and one of which is five inches shorter than all the others. And also the cheetah is carsick, and shedding weird patches of hair, and drooling a lot. Whatever. Anyway, it's inefficient and s-l-o-w.) If you can only accomplish something by hurrying, don't. It is not worth the frustration that will ensue. Try again on a different day when you have more time.

3. No phase (or day) lasts forever. To me this is a reminder to breath it in deeply when it's fun and let it go with a sigh, when it's hard. This, too, shall pass.

4. It's easier to preempt a problem than to deal with its aftermath. (Following this advice could mean almost anything...hiding extra diapers in the car, giving D a nap when he has to stay up late for E's baseball game, separating tired children at the dinner table because they WILL start fighting if they're sitting next to each other, packing a snack or some crayons and paper if we're going to be out for a while, etc.) It is worth the time it takes to look at a situation that you know will push your limits and say, "What will make it hard? How can I make the hard stuff easier?"

5. Sometimes (a lot of times) the kid who did the hitting needs to be held even more than the one who got hit. 

6. Be consistent. Follow through with consequences. Do something when you're counting and you actually get to "3". No means no. And praise, praise, praise the good stuff!

7. Smile at your husband and children. Just out of the blue, for no reason other than that they exist, they are yours, and that is a blessing. Wink. Mouth a silent, "I love you." Consistent, small displays of affection go a long way.

8. Pray together with your kids. Especially when you are grasping at sanity and self-control. Gather them around you, hold hands, and pray, even if you have to sob your way through it. Tell God that you are having a hard time. That you can't think clearly or don't know what to do. Ask Him--right there, out loud in front of your children--for forgiveness, to give you more love for your family, for help becoming a better mother. I've tried this a number of times. Every time, I have been changed. I finish praying and my instinct is to draw my children to me, hold them, apologize, and express my love to them. We get up and we try again, but it is better. Different. This is a magical piece of advice from a very dear friend. I wish I remembered it more often.

9. Admit when you blew it. Tell your kids you're sorry. My great sister-in-law put herself in time-out once after she lost her temper...chair facing the wall, timer on and all. Kids learn from parental mistakes and how they're handled. They are quick to forgive. Apologizing to them teaches them to apologize, and that everybody makes mistakes.

10. If you need time to yourself to get stuff done, you can usually get it by spending some undistracted time with your kids first. I read once about a mom who swore that if she took 15 minutes helping her kids get started in a play game (building a couch fort, making a Lego creation, helping them put on dress up clothes and makeup, gathering sticks and rocks for a pretend campsight, etc.) they would then play happily with that thing, alone, for at least 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes buys you forty-five. Not bad. I've tried this one a lot--it usually works nicely. Also, turns out it's super fun to forget about the phone and the laundry for a little bit and just play with your kids. Like a kid.

11. You're doing better than you think you are. If your kids know you love them, and if you're just trying to do a good job, that's enough. Forgive yourself for the stuff you aren't getting right quite yet.

I love, love, love all you wise moms I am blessed to know. All you good women connected to this blog. And lots more. (And also Dave, who is not a mom. But is very wise. That man OWNS #6 on this list. We could totally, appropriately nickname him Mr. Consistent.) You are wonderful. Thank you for letting me learn from you.



I beg of you to add to my list. Seriously. I'm begging.


What's the best piece of motherly advice you've ever been given??