Chaos

A couple weeks ago, some good friends of ours offered to watch ALL FOUR of our children so we could go on a real-live date. I was so excited. Date night is something we did very regularly in Lubbock--almost weekly, but it takes a while to get back into that rhythm after a move. So when the opportunity came up, I was deeply happy. Date night is even more refreshing to me than a good, long run.

That day it rained in freezing, drenching downpours for most of the day. Every time I let the dog out to go potty, I had to wipe down all his paws before he came back in. The dog and the kids were unusually mischievous as a result of being pent-up inside all day. By about 4pm, we were all getting a little testy. Light at the end of the tunnel: date night in 90 min.

Then I saw that the dog was mysteriously locked outside in the backyard. In the rain. And the mud. Which he was wearing ALL over his body. I got yet another towel, wiped him down head to toe, and let him inside. Thirty minutes later, he was, again, mysteriously locked outside. It occurred to me that Elijah and his friend must be putting the dog outside. When I asked him about it, he said, "Well, yeah we put him outside. He's trying to ruin our game." I took a deep breath, found some extra patience, and explained that every time he did that, I had to clean Apollo head to toe before he could come back inside, and since it was too freezing cold for the dog to stay outside, Elijah just needed to leave the dog inside. He agreed.

Then the aforementioned friend's mother came to pick her son up. Somehow, someone propped the front door open just long enough for Apollo to BOLT outside. He ran around like he was on crack, splashing in nasty puddles and tearing Nascar-like circles in the muddy lot across the street. I knew that my patience did not extend far enough to chase him. The friend's mother offered repeatedly to chase him down if I would just give her a leash. I couldn't let her do that. He was filthy. So I handed her the baby instead, and went out in the rain to retrieve my generally-obedient-and-sweet-but-currently-possessed-of-a-demon dog. Then Apollo upped his game. He started getting repeatedly getting tantalizingly close to me, staring at me, cocking his head to one side, then bolting again. I started seeing red. At one point he grabbed a bag of the neighbor's trash and dragged it out in the middle of the street. I yelled, "No!!" so loud that he froze in terror and I was able to pick him up and march him into the garage. I was shaking in anger. And was also now covered in rain and mud and wet-dog scent. Date night in 45 min. Nice.

The friend left. I closed the garage door so the dog would be stuck in the garage while I tried to figure out how to regain control. Kids needed dinner. Diaper bag needed to be packed. I needed...some serious revamping. Deep breath. Then, I realized in horror that David would be home any minute and would open the garage door when he pulled in. I hurriedly tried to call him. He didn't pick up. So I stood there, wet and muddy, waiting at the front door for the first sign of his car coming down the street so I could run out to warn him. I'm not gonna lie--my sanity and self control were hanging by a narrow threads.

I saw David's car. I ran outside, waving my arms at him and yelling, "Don't open the garage!!" He didn't understand my antics; he opened the garage door. The dog bolted. I started yelling at the dog, marching all over the street barefoot in the rain, while the dog played his little sadistic stare-then-run game again. I finally got him. I dragged him in the garage again, and--yes--he somehow escaped my grasp and went racing out in the street FOR THE THIRD TIME. At this point, something inside of me snapped and I began having some sort of out-of-body experience. David later told me that I threw my cell phone at him hard, and snapped something about selling the stupid dog or dropping him off at the pound. I believe him. He said he was afraid. I believe him. A neighbor came out and said something about Apollo being silly. (Silly. Mmm-hmmm. That's exactly the word I was thinking of. Er--no, wait. The words I was thinking of are not blog-appropriate. I remember now.) I informed her we were getting rid of him. I yelled at Apollo that I hoped he got run over by a car. I think I actually might have meant it.

Finally I wrestled him into the garage again. David was staring at me like he didn't know who I was, and wasn't sure if I should be trusted. :) We came in the house together to find white smoke BILLOWING through the entire bottom level of our house. We recently had a fire safety lesson during family home evening, so Elijah and Haven were (still watching TV) sitting with their faces covered by their shirts. Elijah was yelling, "Haven!! Go LOW under SMOKE!!! Get low!!" And she was yelling back, "Do we go to our safety spot???" It was awesome. Total, absolute chaos. As I frantically opened all the doors and windows (except the garage door, since the Apollo the Demon Dog was still in there), Dave located the source of the smoke: an unopened packet of instant oatmeal, placed in the microwave by a confident two-year-old who had then pushed a bucketload of buttons til it started cooking. He had asked me for oatmeal before the dog chasing began and, apparently, grew tired of waiting.

When it was all calmed down and de-smoked, I stood in the kitchen and choked tears back. Some moments later, when David came and stood beside me, I closed my eyes and whispered, "Welcome home." Then we both started laughing. I love that man. We hugged. Then I went to go bathe the dog and left him in charge of feeding children.

We made date night. We were a half hour late, but...we made it. And it was worth it. And when we got back, I didn't want to sell the dog anymore. I even apologized to him.

Ahhhhh, chaos. It is getting to be my good friend these days.

Have you ever been so mad you couldn't think straight? Did you laugh about it later?

Do you have chaotic times at your house? Did you, when you were growing up?