My family and I went out to dinner tonight, where I had reason to specify the following to Elijah:
"Hey, Buddy? Sometimes it's almost boring to go out to a restaurant because you have to be your very most super polite. Like, you can't spit on the table, or lick up water from your glass like a dog, or point the butterknife at people. Elijah? Eli?"
At this point it I had lost his attention, so I resorted to bribery:
"Eli: we have a special cake at home," (at this point he immediately snaps into absolute focused listening) "and you may have some when we get home if you can behave and be very polite."
He was then quite delightful until the end of the meal. He is now about to get cake. Today I am thankful for bribery. And also, what kind of a mother does that make me?
6 comments:
It makes you a SMART mom! He is working to please you for what he WANTS! What's wrong with that? I think bribing is absolutely necessary. It saves a lot of stress possible impatient mothering moments.
my answer: a normal mom (and a good one). you missed my sharing time the other day where i announced how i decided to resort to something that any good parent does: "bribery". i had tried previously to have a child stand up in front of everyone and sing the song or part of the song we are learning. last time i asked for someone to sing, only one child was willing to. this time i brought along Peeps and promised a whole row to whoever was willing to sing. i actually had to choose among the kids and didn't have time for everyone to have a chance (although 6 did go up). bribery is bad when it's your only form of parenting or when you are doing it in the middle of a tantrum or when things have already gone awry (which i guess is something you already know - you just posed a good question -probably just for fun- but it has made me think). ahead of time, i think it's just setting up a reward. i think i need to use rewards more in my parenting. too often i'm nagging them to stop behavior i don't like rather than to state what i want ahead of time and give them an incentive. i just got over a huge milestone with grace (where i felt i was nagging her to get her homework done) by telling her that if she got it done by a 5 pm, i would put a check on the calendar. a month's worth of checks and she could start horseback riding lessons again. it took her a few days to reign herself in, but now she does it all on her own. next up will be to tackle piano practice!
(sorry for the long response.)
The real question is what kind of mother does that make me if I resort to such bribery almost every night at dinner- ah! Maybe the kind whose 2 year old daughter can say, "Are you frustrated mom?" (This is also a common phrase in our home the last week in which my child decided to test every possible limit and rule every created!) Gotta love her!
For sure, that makes you a smart mom! Congratulations on your new addition!!! In other news, the class of 1999 is having a reunion in August. Email me if you two would like some more information...
FUN-NY. I love it.
1. Bribery is an artform if used properly.
2. I love April's response...can you just HEAR her saying it?
3. Ian was apparently the first child to volunteer to stand up and sing after seeing those Peeps. He knows a good bribe when he sees one!
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